Stop Aiming for Perfect Births

I know I’ve said this before, but it can’t be said enough, so just in case you missed it the first time. When it comes to your birth…actually anything related to pregnancy, birth, parenting…. Stop aiming for perfection.

Perfection only exists in the dictionary. Do you know what perfectionism means? …

A personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and a refusal to except anything less.

And what does it mean to be perfect? According to the Oxford Dictionary:

1.0 Have all of the required or desirable qualities or characteristics, as good as it can possibly be.

1.1 To be free from any flaw or defect – faultless.

1.2 Precisely accurate, exact.

1.3 To be exactly right.

When we look at what being perfect means and we compare it to some of the expectations we build around wanting a perfect birth it drives me insane. Whilst it is possible to have amazing birth experiences I talk as a person who has personally had two and coaches thousands of women around the world through my work at The Calm Birth School video program to enjoy the same. I don’t believe that the aim should even be to have an amazing birth.

Just in case you’re wondering the Oxford Dictionary states the definition of amazing is:

1.0 Causing great surprise or wonder, astonishing
I believe the goal should be to experience a positive journey to meeting your child for the first time.

Positive:
Consisting in or characterized by the presence rather than the absence of distinguishing features.

Those features should include but are not exhaustive of:
Birthing without fear
Feeling heard by your care team
Feeling supported during labour and birth
Being able to make informed decisions about your care.
Feeling as though you are in control of birth, rather than in a situation where your birth is happening to you.

When people think about hypnobirthing, they often get stuck on the birth. However, to do this is to miss the point.

The idea is to provide you with an education that enables you to birth without fear, and with the right program and practitioner you’ll be taken on a journey that fills you with a sense of inner confidence and belief.

You’ll understand the physiology of the birth and how your mind has the ability to impact your birthing body. This theory is layered with numerous tools, techniques and exercises that the more a woman practices the easier it becomes to really birth without fear. But that’s just one part of a hypnobirthing journey.

We teach women and their partners how to have the confidence to ask questions of their care providers in a way that gets specific answers and leaves them feeling informed and ultimately in control during birth and pregnancy.

We show birth partners how they can be a real support to mum during pregnancy and equally importantly during birth. This has the power to truly transform birth experiences into a team effort, that both mothers and fathers are truly grateful for.

This doesn’t mean that a mum will never lose her shit with her partner. But with a whole host of tools and techniques in her ‘handbag’ she’ll far more likely to get back on a level much more quickly.

It doesn’t mean she’ll have a completely comfortable vaginal birth, where baby just pops out. Although she will be putting herself in the best position to achieve that experience as the body works more efficiently when a woman is calm and relaxed during birth. However, more importantly the knowledge that she is taking into her place of birth, not only means she has the capacity to birth without fear, but should she face unexpected or special circumstances, she’ll be far more equipped to ask questions of care providers that enable her to make decisions that feel right for her and her family. Navigating the unpredictable path of birth much more confidently and ultimately positively.

So let’s stop aiming for perfection and start setting the intention for perfectly imperfect positive birth experiences.

P.s if you’re curious about hypnobirthing or would like support with your newborn in terms of breastfeeding or sleep issues please come and join me and my panel of experts The Neighbourhood Midwives and The Sleep Deprived Mum’s Coach in Shoreditch Tuesday 17th November. It’s going to be a blast.