Hey lovelies, today we are discussing why we sometimes have to be a bit of a bitch if we want to get the birth that we want. Here’s the deal. I hear so many women talk about how frustrated, how hurt, and in some cases how violated they feel about their first birth experiences. They were told that they had to have vaginal examinations when they didn’t want them; they were told that they had to be induced at 38 weeks because they were having twins; they were told they weren’t allowed to birth at home. All of these things that were fundamentally important to them were decisions that were either taken out of their hands or where they felt bullied into submission by their care team, by family members, by partners who didn’t understand or respect the wishes of their babies’ mamas.
Let’s see why these things happen and how to avoid them.
I think that some of these are down to poor education. And some of them are down to assertiveness and not knowing that you can assert yourself. Sometimes we have to not want to be liked, not worry about being known as ‘the difficult one’ and step into our power. What we are teaching you when you’re taking time out to connect with yourself and your baby is to really tune into your birthing intuition, which will eventually evolve into your natural mothering instincts. Even in the face of a whole host of people telling you that you must do it in a certain way, you’re able to create that space for yourself and tune into what it is that you need.
As long as you’re not putting yourself or your baby at risk, you need to look at the stats and the evidence so that you can make informed choices. Sometimes, you just have to step up and say,
‘Do you know what? This is what I want. This is why I want it. And I need you to fall in line or get out of the way.’
Otherwise we run the risk of being bullied – a decision made under coercion is not an informed choice. You run the risk of being bulldozed like many of the women who find our programme a little bit too late or second time around after a horrendous first experience. So please, please, please, please do me a favour and educate yourself; do your birth preparation. Whether it’s with The Calm Birth School or another programme, do your preparation so that you are in the best physical, psychological, and emotional shape to have a really positive birth experience.
Make sure that you really know your rights. Use The Calm Birth School community group or if you’re a student, use the student’s group. Ask questions, educate yourself, get signposted to where you need to go, so that you can make informed decisions and then stand in your power. Trust me, as a mother of three, when I tell you that when I’m confronted by a plethora of different people arguing various ideas and methods at me, sometimes I just have to stop all of the chaos and tune into what feels right for me and my family. I’ve never made a bad decision when I get into that type of head space. I never make a bad decision when I’m able to calmly and confidently communicate what it is that I need to happen.
Some people might think that I come across a little chilly. I think it’s just being confident in myself. However, you want to take the word ‘bitch’ is up to you. I don’t mean it offensively, but what I’m saying is stand in your power and own your birth.
You only get to do this once with this baby, so let’s make it the best possible experience we can.
If you want to try out what we do at The Calm Birth School, please check out the free hypnobirthing series which you can get at https://www.thecalmbirthschool.com/freehypnobirthing.